Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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