I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
