he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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