She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
