dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
