I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
