Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
