Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
