Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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