come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it penis luge time yet?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
