He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We talked him into tasing himself.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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