Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
