Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
