he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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