I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
