my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
