In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
