in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
