go do what you do best...puke behind churches
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
