If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
