wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
