You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
