Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
