zippers are such a cool invention
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
