dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
