So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
