im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
