Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
