There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
