nut hugger
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
