Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
