You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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