I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
