remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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