i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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