At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
