I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
