are you so shy because you have an std?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
