theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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