Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I still have a little drunk in my system
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
