Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
3 2 1 whiskey
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
