if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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