Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just had sex bonerless
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
