I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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