I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
