LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
