He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
