Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You made out with two different species that night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
