You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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