That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
