you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
