Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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