How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
