when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
