R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
