Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
