the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
