You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
