operation harelip BJ is a go
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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