How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
