u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
